Big Boy Bed

Can you tell Little K is excited about his big boy bed? We have been saying for awhile now that it was time, T was about a year younger when she was in one. K saw a bunk bed at Costco that splits into two twins, and he thought that it would be perfect for the kids. It is. The one Little K is in even has a guardrail so he won't roll out (like T did on her first night on a big girl bed.)

The funny thing is, I didn't even realize that the day I put Little K in his crib for the last time that it was the last time! We started talking about it and bam! it was in the house. (I didn't even have bedding ready for him, so he gets a mish-mash until we get some together. ) It wasn't until I was taking all his crib bedding out that I got misty eyed. Don't get me wrong, I love where he is right now, he is so smart and funny and OPINIONATED. But I don't know if I will be using the crib ever again. We have had a crib in the house for 4 1/2 years now. It seems weird to let it go.

So far it has been great. Little K cannot wait to get into bed and is so happy just hanging out and reading stories in it. It hasn't cured him of his waking up at night, but at least if I need to, I can lie down by him and be comfy too.

Little K with his buddies Duck, Monkey and Bunny.

Thankful Tree

On Thanksgiving, I decided that we should do some type of fun activity together.  Pinterest gives so many good ideas, but I was a little on overload, so it had to be easy and quick. I saw some packing materials by my desk and thought, that would make a good tree trunk! I cut out a bunch of leaves and we sat as a family to put together our thankful tree.

It was a great experience for our family. T really got into it and wanted me to write long paragraphs and stories about being thankful, (I did some editing,) but I was pleasantly pleased at how much she understands. I recently read a book called The Entitlement Trap and one of the points talks about family traditions and how important they are to having a close family. It also encourages recording them all in a Family Book, so every month the kids can see what will happen and get excited. This is FOR SURE going in.

Our Thankful Tree lasted longer than our Christmas tree. I loved having the reminder there all the time as I walked past the back door. Recently, I decided it was time to move on. I wanted to remember what we wrote, so as I pulled the leaves down I recorded the list.

Dancing
Being Thankful
Monkey (Little K's stuffed monkey)
Treats
Sleep
Fruits and Veggies
Prayers
Kai
Tessa's Love
Good Health
Crafts Together
Holidays
Birthday Parties
Having Fun with You!
Love
Work
Home
Things that Make Me Laugh (cat videos)
Being Kind
Feeling Happy and Having Fun
Grandmas and Grandpas
"Loves" (Hugs & Kisses)
Our Family
Milk
Friends


Pretty simple, but oh so sweet.  Thanks, Thankful Tree!

On new beginnings

This New Year has come to me as a slow breeze, gently tugging at me, waking me, refreshing me. Lost to me this New Year's Eve was that desperate frenzied need to make the moment significant. Gone, gone the pressure to resolve to make my life better this year in this moment or all is lost.

I think I feel this way in part because I have already lost. Lost more than I expected to loose. More than I thought I was ready for. Honestly, my New Year began in September. Loosing Mom woke me up, tore me down, and gave the opportunity to choose. Where will I go from this moment? What path will I follow? Will I follow the anger, let that discontent push me further away from those I love, the things I really should treasure?

And Lord knows, it's not easy to choose. I have been tempted to lie in wait and not pick a path at all. But now, even typing that causes me anxiety because that is no longer me. Life is too precious to stand idly by. I have done too much of that already.

In so many ways I feel like a toddler seeing other people walk through their lives and imitating the actions. I am feeling some muscles start to be used that have atrophied, realizing that it's going to take some work to get to a more healthy and whole place. But you know what, I feel a calm energy pushing me to try.

And I am so grateful. It has become clearer how abundantly blessed I am. I find it brings me peace to acknowledge it daily. Because I am, I AM blessed. I know that God is there just as much as I know that Mom is still there. I know that he loves me. He loves you too. Do you feel that knowledge ache like I sometimes do?

So, as a moment that we collectively celebrate, the passing of the old into beginning of the new, I quietly add my gratefulness for endings and new beginnings. To not sitting idly by. To doing whatever it takes to move you, lift you, surround you with peace and love. And could I just recommend a small start? Say a prayer, let listing your blessings refresh you, laying your burdens at His feet release you and finding your way free you.

And if you need a friend, I pray He will help me to find you, because I need them too.

I love you,

Z

P.s. Happy Birthday Mom. You know this, but you are on my thankful list every day. And I am wearing the slippers I bought for you to celebrate.

Happy Holidays Friends!

If you are here, I am glad! It has been a long time since there has been any blogging done around these parts and I am in the mood to start again. Come back weekly for an update!

Love to you all,

Z,T,K and little K

PPffttttt! AKA Why Utah stinks for 6 months out of the year.

Damn this snow.

That's right I said it. And it is not the first time I have said it either.

Every time I wake up to more of the white fluffy stuff, I go through the stages of grief.

1) Denial.  Really? But tomorrow is May! (checking the calendar.)

2) Anger. Uggg, I am so sick of this! (Shaking of the fist.)

3) Bargaining. Ok, but no more all right? (Considering posting on FB and seeing of anyone with better sway than I do could please put in a good word with the Big Guy Upstairs.)

4) Depression. I need some chocolate.

5) Acceptance. (in a very Eeyore fashion) I guess we get to hang out inside. Again. Sigh.

I am taking donations for the save the Z's sanity cause. All proceeds will go towards a lovely trip to warmer locals. Donators will receive a souvenir from the trip (lol, not the STD type either), a invite to come, and endless adoration.Thank you.

Snippitts with the kids

"Mommy, I can't feel my brain!"  - T

"I love snow. It's my favorite. It tastes like polar bears." -T
"It does? How do you know what polar bears taste like?" -me
"It's white and fluffy, just like polar bears." -T

I walked in to get baby K the other morning, he looked up, threw his hands up high, and said "HAPPY!"
(Now that is the way to start a day.)

Eighty Percent

I have been trying something lately. When I commit myself to something, I will not break that promise to myself. What I have promised have been small things so far. I am not ready to do much more yet. But I am slowly building trust in myself again. Belief in that when I say to myself, I will not do that again, I believe I won't. Or if I commit to myself I will do something, I will do it.

It occurred to me that I break promises I make to myself ALL the TIME. And it also made me realize I cannot keep undermining all that I am like this. Isn't that what I was doing? Breaking down whatever foundation I had by being unfaithful to my core integrety?

Like I said, I am starting small. One thing I always tell myself I will do, and don't, is wash my face every night before bed (see, I told you it was small). So I made the promise to myself that I will do this. No matter what. And I have. No matter what. And I can say this little experiment is crazy good for me. Because I am starting to believe in myself a little more. Trust again that inner voice that says I can do. I will do.

And it dosn't seem so hard to do anymore.

I am still careful to not tell myself "I will.. or I will not .." when I know I am not ready. I won't set myself up for more failure. 


A few days ago, I was in the car with some friends as one was describing her sister and what she said struck a nerve. She said that her sister is good at getting going at projects, but that she often makes it eighty-percent of the way before something prevents her from finishing. And I thought, that is me. I get so close. Eighty-percent. In fact, I often feel like I make it ninety. So much work is already done, why not close that final gap?

Why is it that everyone can see our fatal flaws but us, the ones who have them? I wish, oh, I wish for more clarity about myself like this.
 
It's real late and I don't even think I will proof this tonight. But I got this surge inside of me, and I knew I wanted to get it out. And as scary as it is, post it.

So here is to another promise kept to myself.

Peeking over the pages

Reading has been a part of my life since I can remember. I used to sneak a flashlight under the covers and read, crouched up in that moist little cocoon until I finished the story, no matter how long it took. I still hate to stop in the middle of a story. Sleeping, eating, and life will often get sacrificed to the pleasure of curling up with a book. When the little ones were young I tried not to get long books because I knew it would be bad for my health. I still have to be careful today, or the temptation to just let the kids watch some extra TV while I read is soo alluring. It has taken awhile, but I have realized a few things about my love of reading.

1. Great passions mean sacrifice in other areas of life. I.E. sleep.
2. A book has to be pretty bad for me not to finish it. Unfortunately, I'm not a skip to the end kind of reader.
3. You may think that it would then follow that I only pick out the best books. I don't. I read most anything that seems like it could be interesting. Which is bad and good because...
4. My mood is strangely affected by books. I just finished The Glass Castle (a very thought provoking, compelling read). I have spent today wondering what kind of parent I am. What kind of human I am. But it also had me feeling a little sad and depressed.
5. It is more common for me to use it as an escape and less of an education. If I get something out of it, bonus.
6. Reading books on my phone is way better than using it to make calls. My eyes are starting to feel a little fuzzy though.
7. I am terrifically good at guilt: Life is too short to waste time reading bad books. Put down the book and go play or clean or cook or something. Go to sleep, you are going to be so tired tomorrow.

Well, I shake my fist at that! More reading I say! Who needs sleep anyway?

LOst in space

 

The other morning T came downstairs and without preamble said: "We need to make a spaceship." Suprised, I paused and said "OK."  I went to the basement, retrieved a packing box and started cutting away. 

 I added a steering wheel that turns for more accurate ship navigation. T never wants to be the driver though. She makes K be in front.

 

I have such fond memories of hanging with my siblings in a similar fashion. Our "buttons" were a little more elaborate though. Microwaves, light blasters, invisibility rays, whatever we could think of we had a button for.

T's cousins and friends have liked hanging out in it too.

 I liked her cousin's attitude.

T wanted me to give it a try but that was as far as I could fit. I have a big head, OK?

 

Here was my solution....

And here is Baby K, playing peek-a-boo. 

There is the joke that kids often like the packaging more than the toy, and I would definitely say that this is true. 

SO what are the fun things you did as a kid? I am always open to fun suggestions :)

What I have been up to

Please excuse the lengthy time I have left those appalling pictures up of my feet.  I hope that some day readers will come back to the blog again!

In a way, I am conflicted about blogging. I love posting about the family and what we are doing. But I secretly want to simply post what is on my mind, have this be more of a diary of sorts. I'm not sure that those two thing belong together. A simple answer would be to have two separate blogs, but that sounds like way too much work. (As you can tell, I so terrific about keeping this one current.). I guess I am just into complaining and not really fixing the problem.

Lots of big events have happened in the last few months. Baby K turned one. T turned three. I turned 33. We did a big family trip to Disneyland to celebrate T being a big girl and being all done with diapers. Halloween and Thanksgiving have come and gone, and we are now busy Christmas-ing.

Baby K is still not walking, or consistently sleeping through the night, but he is talking up a storm. He says daddyyyy (always long y like that, it's really cute), momma, up, boo, cup, thank you, clock, duck, peach, drink, nanana (banana), shut, poop, teacher, down, more, hop, and a ton of animal sounds. He will replicate most things we say to him, but he won't consistently use them yet. His not walking has made him creative in alternative methods in getting around. He will crawl with no knees on the ground. Or walk on his knees if he wants to carry something, which is hilariously slow. His most effective method of getting around is getting on one of these and being a speed demon all over the house. The more we have encouraged him to walk, it seems the more he has resisted it. Stubbornness is definitely a family trait.

We have also had the first couple of snowstorms hit already. Have I mentioned how much I dislike being cold? I have? Well, I still really do. My running/training has taking a real beating because of it. As if it was hard enough to get out before.... Signing up for a Half Marathon in February was not the smartest of choices.  S and I ran a 10k on Thanksgiving morning in 5 degree weather. That's right, a balmy 5 degrees. I don't feel any tougher for doing it either. Just more wary of getting out. I think there is a little over 10 weeks until Austin. I've got to get running. I've got to get running.

I also need to get to sleep. War and Peace is excellent bedtime reading. Let's just say it's gong to be awhile before I finally finish.

Battle Wound

S and I have been training in the wee hours of the night to run a 10k in a few weeks. We also got a little crazy and signed up for the Austin half-marathon in February.  Running again feels so good. As if it wasn't great enough that S came to live with us, I now have a running buddy who is motivated and up for pretty much anything. We mix up our running between laps at the park and hitting up the hills in our neighborhood (Gertie, as we have named the biggest one on our route, has defeated us so far, but one day we will defeat her (shake of the fist)). We have come against some aches and pains but I now have my first battle wound.

I should preface these pictures with a warning and apology. There is blood. There are toes. Ick.

After S and I got home from our 5+ mile run last night, I pulled off my shoes and saw this...

                

 

I have come to the conclusion that I really need some new running shoes, real running shoes, not the crappy Skechers I have been wearing. I also should stay away from glitter nail polish. It's a bit like sandpaper after a few minutes. Lesson learned.

Supa Fly

Helloooo

Yesterday was family photo day. I was so happy with how the photos turned out! We went to a place called FotoFly and they were amazing!!! I would recommend them to anyone, especially those with kids. They really worked hard to get good smiles (especially from T who is in a no smiling for photos phase), are friendly, we got to preview the photos and take them home the same day. The best part is, we now own the copyright to the photos so I can print and post as much as I want.

Baby K

T

This is telling of the dynamic between the two.

The Family

Grandpa and Grandma B

Baby K (10 days old) and Grandma B

I'm not the type of girl who thought I would marry someone for reasons beyond who they are, for instance for their money, but I realize daily that I married K in part for his family.

We are so so blessed to have K's parents in our lives. They are who I would like to be when I grow up. Kind, generous, happy, concerned, involved, gracious, and thoughtful are just a few adjectives that come to mind.

For instance, K's parents have the family over every Sunday for dinner. They are amazing home cooked meals too. Grandma B does the cooking, Grandpa B the cleaning and we get to go and enjoy. It's so nice. Then on Tuesday they come over to our home to be with the kids and give me a chance to relax a little- plus they always bring a donut with sprinkles for T (and us too.) On bonus weeks, some Thursdays we go out to dinner as a family. (whoo-hoo! Even less cooking for me :)

But it is more than that. They just love our kids so much and want to be involved in their lives. Our kids are so lucky. And we are too- because I know they care just as much about us.

I am so glad to have married K and I thank Heavenly Father every day for him and the family that came along with him.

T (1 year old) and Grandpa B