On My Mind

I find that I often compose posts or e-mails in my head while I am doing mundane things, i.e. washing bottles, folding laundry, going to sleep, (and man, have there been some good ones!) but I seem to have trouble actually writing the thoughts down.

To help me get going, my goal this week has been to post once a day.

I didn't like writing that. Even though I am on day four, I am superstitious in a way because it seems like if I declare my goals somehow they are less likely to get done than if I simply keep it on my mind and do them. To publicly declare it is to jinx it.

So there it is, out in the open.

And as long as I am in full disclosure mode, K and I had one of those great silly conversations recently where I inadvertently disclosed something about myself that is both embarrassing and weird. (Well, more than the last confession). It started out by my saying that I don't like to look at myself in pictures. Or see my reflection in mirrors, especially in the morning, 'cause in my head I like to pretend that I have much less crazy hair, no makeup smeared under my eyes, and a youthful tanned glow. K said "Wow, the brain Z must be hot!" We both laughed, but now I have been thinking about the brain Z. Am I the only girl out there who doesn't necessarily like to picture herself as they really are in the mirror?

Here's another truth, it is weird to suddenly have a name for the me in my head. Naming body parts is not what I do. True, it's not like it is a far cry from my real name, OK any distance at all. And I guess I could even give my mental self image a better name, like Gretta or Cassandra. But, it just seems like it is the gateway to more weirdness. Next it will become the third party in conversations like: "Well, the brain Z says..." or the "Cassandra thinks that..." (Carl Malone say...). Which won't happen.

At least not yet. I am sure it could happen some day. If not for the laughs.

Or the self-esteem pick me up.

Here's to the Brain Z.